Who Are You When You’re Balanced?

Life Coaching Tip: Before you can create the balanced “and” life you’re craving, you have to decide who you are inside of it. Balance isn’t just a result you achieve, it’s an identity you step into. The person who is living your dream life isn’t waiting for everything to fall into place. She’s waiting for you to decide she’s already you.

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One of my clients, Heather, said she often feels like a pinball.

Every day, she found herself pinging from thing to thing—from her business to her family to her hobbies and back again, never feeling fully present in any of it.

There was always a nagging voice in the background whispering that she should be somewhere else, doing something else. Her business felt like a side gig that she was sneaking in around the edges of her real life. Her family time felt shadowed by guilt and distraction. And her leisure time felt like a luxury she hadn’t quite earned yet.

She wanted the “and” life, but it didn’t quite feel possible.

What Heather needed wasn’t more hours in the day. She needed a new identity.

Together, we worked on a simple but powerful shift. What if she went all in on her business three days a week, truly all in, with laser-focused CEO energy?

And then, what if she gave herself full permission to be completely present for everything else the other days? She could spend time with her family, her friends, and her hobbies with no “shoulds” and no guilt attached.

Just recently, Heather shared in our Shine On group that she’s loving this new approach. On her business days, she’s more focused than she’s ever been. And on her other days, she’s present, no longer mentally somewhere else or half in and half out.

Heather is no longer a pinball. She’s the one in control of the flippers. She’s focused and aiming. There’s intention in her motion.

But here’s what I want you to understand about what really changed for Heather. It wasn’t just her schedule. It was the decision about who she was going to be inside that schedule.

Heather decided she’s a CEO, the real deal, and not someone playing at a business between hoovering and walking the dog. She stepped into the version of herself who takes her vision seriously and shows up for it fully. And because she is a whole and expansive person, she takes her joyful life seriously, too.

That’s the identity shift. And it’s changing everything.

I’ve talked a lot in this series about what balance is and what the “and” life looks like. But here’s the question I really want you to consider today:

Who are you when you’re balanced?

How does the balanced version of you think, make decisions, and talk to herself when things get hard?

Because what I know after years of doing this work: balance isn’t just something you create. It’s something you become.

You can begin by reverse engineering your identity. Instead of waiting for the balanced life to arrive and then deciding its who you are, you have to decide first. You must choose the balanced identity, and then you let that identity lead you.

Think about it this way. The person who is living her “and life,” (the one you wrote about last week), how does she think about her time, energy, and worth? What has she decided is non-negotiable? What has she let go of? What does she believe about herself that you haven’t quite let yourself believe yet?

She’s not make believe. She’s born from a decision.

One of the sneakiest reasons we stay stuck is that deep down, we don’t actually believe an “and” life is possible. Society has provided very few role models for us of a woman who is creating something big and living fully at the same time.

We’ve been told it’s too much to ask for, and that balance is a myth.

But what if you became the proof that it isn’t?

What if the “and” life you’re creating right now became the evidence that it’s possible?

What if you were the role model for yourself, the women watching you, and for every woman who has ever been told she has to choose?

Expansion, my friend, is what we’re here for.

This week, I encourage you to try this exercise:

Close your eyes and picture the version of you who is already living the balanced “and” life. Really see her. How does she carry herself? How does she start her day? What lights her up? How does she make decisions? What does she believe about what’s possible for her?

Now ask yourself: how can I show up as her today? Because that woman isn’t waiting for you to have it all figured out. She’s waiting for you to decide.

There’s more to come on balance next week. Stay tuned, because we are just getting warmed up, my friend!

xo Tracy