Too Much? Not Enough? Let’s Break That Lie for Good!

Life Coaching Tip: If you’ve ever been told to “smile more,” “tone it down,” or “be more likeable,” you’re not alone—and you’re not the problem. Women are often handed confusing, contradictory messages about how to show up in the world, especially in leadership and professional spaces. These aren’t helpful observations; they’re tools of control designed to keep you small. Read more to learn how that conditioning shows up, why it’s time to break free from it, and how reclaiming your voice is the most powerful move you can make. Because the world doesn’t need the filtered version of you—it needs the real one!

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Recently, a client told me her boss said: “You need to smile more.”

Yep, in 2025. Sadly, I hear things like this all the time from the women I coach—those in corporate roles, leadership, and entrepreneurs.

Here’s the pattern:

• If she’s quiet, she’s “detached” or “cold.”
• If she’s direct, she’s “difficult” or “abrasive.”
• If she’s thoughtful, she’s “weak” or “lacks confidence.”
• If she’s driven, she’s “selfish” or “too ambitious.”
• And always, always, she needs to be more likeable.

That’s not feedback. It’s control.

From the beginning, young girls are conditioned to anticipate how they’re being perceived—and then to edit themselves in real time to make others comfortable.

Smile more. Speak less. Don’t be too much. Don’t be too little. It’s exhausting—and it’s a recipe for anxiety, insecurity, and self-doubt.

Over time, it plants the lie that something is wrong with us when we can’t meet these impossible standards.

But nothing is wrong with you. The problem is the script.

Researcher Brené Brown describes it this way: “Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. And it’s a straitjacket.”

But here’s the beautiful truth: Once you see the cage, you can let yourself out.

When we stop twisting ourselves to fit, we expand. When we stop shrinking, we rise. When we stop apologizing, we shine.

Author Glennon Doyle reminds us: “Blessed are those brave enough to make things awkward, for they wake us up and move us forward.”

That’s what it means to step into your power. To choose your instincts, your voice, and your desires—even when it makes others uncomfortable.

Take Devon, one of my coaching clients, who had the courage to leave her corporate job and launch the business she’d been dreaming about for years.

Devon recently told me the most transformative part of coaching was realizing the importance of being herself—and trusting herself. She finally stopped asking, “What should I do?” and started asking, “What do I want to do?” She stopped crowd-sourcing important decisions about her life and business—and it’s been liberating.

This is what happens when women reclaim their truth. We stop contorting. We stop shrinking. We start creating, expanding, and thriving.

So, this week, notice where you are still shape-shifting.

Ask yourself: Where am I downplaying my wisdom, agreeing just to please, or apologizing for existing?

Then: What would it look like if I showed up fully—as my bold, true, unfiltered self?

Because the world doesn’t need another watered-down version of you. It needs your voice. Your vision. Your fire.

No more editing. No more dimming.

You were never too much—and you were never not enough.

My friend, you were always meant to take up space and shine!

xo Tracy

PS – Imagine what could unfold if you stopped apologizing for who you are and started leading from who you really are. If you’re ready for that kind of freedom—to live, lead, and create from that place, I’d be honored to support you. Schedule a complimentary consultation today, and let’s talk about your goals, dreams, and vision.