It’s Important to Give and to Receive

Life Coaching Tip: To fully care for yourself, you must sometimes accept help from others. You simply can’t do it all alone without feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out. When you accept support from others, the beautiful exchange of energy that’s created can strengthen your relationships and help you feel more connected.

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As I walked along the lake shore one morning, I passed an elderly gentleman who was slowly strolling by, occasionally stooping down to pick up a unique stone or shiny piece of beach glass.

Although I’d never met this fella before, he grinned at me charismatically and said, “Good to see you today, kiddo!”

We chatted briefly about the unusually warm November weather and the beautiful view, and then he reached his hand into his pocket and showed me the treasures he had found along the shore that morning.

As I eyed his collection of beach glass, I noticed a black marble in the center of his hand that had been weathered from tumbling in the waves, and I commented on what a cool find it was.

My new friend then reached out his hand and said to me, “Take it. I want you to have it.”

I could tell by his smile that he really wanted me to have it, but I gently protested, “No, it’s your special find. I don’t feel right taking it from you.”

However, he insisted and told me how happy it made him to give it to me.

He told me about how often he gave away the trinkets he’s found. He said he ran into an “older couple” the day before and gave the woman his entire collection from that morning.

“She’d only found a few small pieces and so it made me feel good to help her out,” he said.

After hearing this, I graciously accepted his gift and thanked him for his generosity.

As I continued my walk, it dawned on me how much joy I felt when I finally accepted this stranger’s gift, especially after he told me how it brought him happiness to give it.

I also reflected on how awkward and uncomfortable it initially was for me to accept his gift, even though it was truly just a marble that had washed up on the beach.

Most of us have grown up with the adage, “It’s better to give than receive.” This principle has been woven into our subconsciousness so much that it can bring up feelings of shame to accept gifts, or even worse, help from others.

I often hear this expressed from my clients, and I totally understand, because, for me, too, it feels much easier to give than receive.

However, as a matter of self-care, we must give ourselves permission to accept help and support from others. We simply can’t do it all alone without the risk of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out.

This is obvious but nevertheless difficult for many of us.

The less obvious, but equally important benefit of accepting support and help from others is that it strengthens our relationships and helps us feel more connected.

Think about the brief exchange I had with this gentleman on the beach and the wonderful energy that was generated between us.

Would the energy have felt the same had I rejected his gift?

In her book “Gifts of Imperfection,” author Brené Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment, and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

How does this land for you?

Do you feel a sense of pride and self-worth from being a person who’s always willing to extend a helping hand, but one who never needs or accepts help from others?

If so, consider how making a shift in your thoughts about receiving can positively affect the quality of your relationships. For true connection to occur, the energy must go both ways!

Imagine the positive impact this shift of thoughts and habits can have on your stress levels, self-concept, and overall happiness.

If this makes sense to you, ease into the idea by saying “yes” the next time someone offers you a gift, assistance, or support. Better yet, reach out for help when you need it, and allow yourself to accept it without self-judgement.

And then, smile and pat yourself on the back as you observe the beautiful exchange of energy that’s generated with this interaction-delight in the connection that you’ve just created with your magnificent, open heart!

You won’t be sorry, my friend. I’m certain of that.