Life Coaching Tip: If you’ve been avoiding the idea of goal setting because you’re afraid of committing and then “failing,” isn’t it time to move past this limiting belief? You are human, and you’re supposed to make mistakes and fail sometimes. But you’re also meant to consistently grow, expand, and create! Start living more intentionally and join the elite who set and review their goals consistently. Future You will be oh, so glad you did!
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At the end of each month, the women in my Shine On Program post an update about their progress on the goals they’ve set for themselves, and then they write their action plan for the upcoming month ahead.
Since this November had five Wednesdays, we had an extra-long break during the period between November and December and so time wasn’t an issue. Yet, I noticed some of the group members were resisting posting their updates.
Hmmm . . . this made me curious . . . And so, I reached out to them, and this is what some of them said.
“I should have spent more time on ______, and now I’m embarrassed.”
“Everyone else is slaying their goals. I don’t think they will want to hear from me.”
“I’m falling behind and need to get better at ______.”
Wow, I was so glad I reached out and asked what was going on!
This led to a group discussion that I want to share with you today, because I have a feeling you may be able to relate.
ALL the women in Shine On are accomplished, driven, go-getting badasses who rarely slow down (despite my encouragement otherwise!).
They have demanding careers and/or businesses, and several are taking care of elderly parents/relatives or children. And like most everyone else, they are preparing for the holiday season.
Now despite all this, here are some of the goals they’ve accomplished in recent weeks . . . submitted 15 new job applications, completed five consultations and sold three of them, solidified the healthy habit of drinking more water consistently, winterized her RV, prepared for an art show, requested a pay increase, interviewed and hired a caregiver for her dad, paid off a large chunk of debt, completed seven singing lesson modules, maintained her ideal weight by staying on her meal and workout plan, joined and “liked” ten men on a dating website, moved into her dream home and began renovations, scheduled and followed through with medical appointments, organized her “to-do” daily and master lists, ran in her fourth 5k for the year, attended networking events, tried paddleboarding for the first time on vacation (towards her goal of doing one new, fun thing each month), spent money on herself without guilt, stopped vaping, completed her assignments for her yoga certification training, increased her credit score, and had her essay place in a national contest.
I mean, total slackers, right?
So, what’s going on here?
Well, here’s my take . . .
As women, many of us suffer from a chronic feeling of “not good enough.” No matter how much we do or how much we achieve, it never feels like enough.
And this isn’t our fault. Most of us have received familial and societal messages since we were babies that have conditioned us to think and feel this way.
If this is you, then gaining an awareness of how many times you give yourself “not enough” messages is the first step to claiming your power over the debilitating shame that can eat away at your sense of self-worth, confidence, and happiness.
Although you didn’t create these insecurities, it’s up to you to stop the cycle. “Not enough” shame keeps you hustling and grinding for worthiness in a never-ending loop that just leads to more feelings of “not enough-ness.”
So, I told my incredible group of shine sisters, we had to revisit and redefine the purpose of our monthly goal setting exercise.
In no way is this practice (or any of my coaching practices) to whip my clients into shape so they will continue to produce more and more and more!
Instead, it’s to empower them and remind their brains of what is meaningful and important TO THEM, when other people’s expectations and life circumstances try to hijack their time and energy.
The aim is to help them live more intentionally, assuring that what they desire and value is in the forefront of their lives.
And there is no “one size all” way to do this. I assured them that they can’t get it wrong, and there will always be tweaking and adjusting to be done.
It helps for each of us to routinely assess where we’re at and the direction we’re heading—taking note of what’s working, what’s not, and what changes we want to make.
To be real, it’s helpful for all of us to remember that we can only focus our efforts in so many places, and so when there are circumstances that are temporarily more demanding of our time (like moving, preparing for the holidays, etc.), then it’s perfectly fine to go light on the rest of our goals.
There’s no such thing as “being behind” on self-imposed deadlines!
Now obviously, though, this can’t go on forever, as “life” will always get in the way if we let it.
But having our goals written down, routinely reviewing them, and taking even the tiniest of steps forward will keep our momentum moving in the right direction.
For instance, if your health goal is to get the gym four times a week, but you’re struggling to make that happen around the holidays, you can always modify it to make it more practical and easier to follow.
You may revise it in December to flow with your schedule that’s already in place, park further away from the office to extend your walk, take the stairs, and drink water with every meal. Then, ramp things up at the first of the new year.
The key is to not shame yourself or make it an “all or nothing” situation where you give up all together.
And this is when my client, Ann, further reassured the group by explaining that just by writing down their goals, they are light years ahead of most people. Ann shared data she found in an article that said only 3% of Americans set goals, and less than 1% review them daily.
I looked into it further, and I found more articles citing similar findings—many based on a Harvard Study that indicated only 3% of Harvard MBA graduates said they had clear, written goals, 13% had goals, but just in their head, and 84% said they didn’t have goals at all.
What??? That just seemed bananas to me since there is so much evidence that supports the many benefits of consistently writing down goals and reviewing them daily.
It’s how to direct the brain to what’s important.
This made me wonder . . . .
Are there that many people floundering through life without direction or purpose, just waiting to see what plops into their lives?
Well, not on my watch! I may not be able to reach the entire population today, but sister, I can encourage YOU!
Do you have a goal plan that you’re following, adjusting, and tweaking on a regular basis, or is this just something you do every January and abandon way before spring?
If you’ve been avoiding the idea of goal setting altogether, this might be because you’re afraid of committing and then “failing”, which is a common reason that people stay stuck.
If this is the case, then please consider the advice I gave to my clients.
You are human, and so you aren’t meant to do life perfectly. But you are meant to consistently grow, expand, and create. You are supposed to make mistakes, get messy, and sometimes fail.
The only way you can get it wrong is by not doing it at all.
Direct your brain to what is important to you and consistently remind it (by reviewing your goals) of the direction you want to head in. Direct it to look for and embrace opportunities, and to take steps forward each day—even small ones count.
Start today and Future You will thank you!
C’mon, join us, the elite in the three percent!
xo Tracy
PS – Want to go deeper and take your life to the next level and beyond? Private Coaching will get you there. Learn more here: https://movingforwardcoaching.com/moving-forward-life-coaching-private-coaching/
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