Life Coaching Tip: If you’ve been avoiding the idea of goal setting because you’re afraid of committing and then “failing”, it’s time to move past this limiting belief! You are human, and so you’re supposed to make mistakes, fail sometimes, and get messy. And, you’re meant to consistently grow, expand, and create! Start living more intentionally, and join the one percent of the population who sets and reviews their goals consistently. Future You will be oh, so glad you did!
At the end of each month, the women in my Shine On Program post an update on their progress on the goals they’ve set for themselves, and then they write their action plan for the upcoming month ahead.
Since November had five Wednesdays, we had an extra-long break during the period between November and December and so time wasn’t an issue, yet I noticed some of the shine sisters were resisting posting their updates.
Hmmm… this made me curious? And so, I reached out to them.
This is what some of them said.
“I should have spent more time on ________, and I’m embarrassed.”
“Everyone else is slaying their goals. I don’t think they’ll want to hear from me.”
“I’m falling behind and need to get better at ________.”
Wow, I’m so glad I reached out and asked what was going on!
This all led to a group discussion that I want to share with you today, because I have a feeling you may be able to relate…
All the women in this round of Shine On are accomplished, high achieving, badasses who rarely slow down (despite their coach’s encouragement otherwise!).
They have demanding careers and/or businesses, and several are taking care of elderly parents/relatives or children. And like everyone else, they are preparing for the holiday season.
Now despite all this, here are some of the goals they’ve accomplished in recent weeks… submitted 15 new job applications, completed five consultations, solidified health habits of drinking water and taking her medication consistently, winterized her RV, prepared for an art show, requested a pay increase, interviewed and hired a caregiver for her dad, paid off a large chunk of debt, completed seven singing lesson modules, maintained her ideal weight by staying on her meal and workout plan, joined and “liked” ten men on Match, moved into her dream home and began renovations, scheduled and followed through with medical appointments, organized her “to-do” daily and master lists, ran in her fourth 5k for the year, attended networking events, tried paddleboarding for the first time on vacation (towards her goal of doing one new, fun thing each month), allowed herself to spend money on herself without guilt, stopped vaping, completed her assignments for her yoga certification training, increased her credit score, and had her essay place 16th in a national contest.
I mean, total slackers, right?
So, what’s going on here?
Well, as women, many of us suffer from a chronic feeling of “not good enough”. No matter how much we do, how much we achieve, it never seems like enough. And this isn’t our fault. We’ve received familial and societal messages since we were babies that have conditioned us to think and feel this way.
If this is you, then gaining an awareness of how many times you give yourself “not enough” messages, is the first step to claiming your power over the debilitating shame that can eat away at your self-love, confidence, and happiness.
And although you didn’t create these insecurities, it’s up to you to stop the cycle. “Not enough” shame keeps you hustling and grinding for worthiness in a never-ending loop that just leads to more feelings of “not enough-ness”.
And so, I told my incredible group of shine sisters, we had to backtrack and redefine the purpose of our monthly goal setting exercise.
In no way is it to whip my clients into shape so they will continue to produce more and more and more!
Instead, it’s to empower and remind them of what is meaningful and important TO THEM, when other people’s expectations and life circumstances try to hijack their time. The aim is to help them live more intentionally, assuring that what they desire and value is in the forefront of their lives.
And there is no “one size all” way to do this. I reassured them that they can’t get it wrong, and there’s always tweaking and adjusting to be done.
It helps for each of us to routinely assess where we’re at and what direction we’re heading in – taking note of what’s working, what’s not, and what changes we want/need to make.
And to be real, it’s helpful for all of us to remember that we can only focus our efforts in so many places, and so when there are circumstances that are temporarily more demanding of our time (like moving, preparing for the holidays, etc.), then it’s perfectly fine to go light on the rest of our goals. There’s no such thing as “being behind” on self-imposed deadlines.
Now obviously, this can’t go on forever. This is a common trap for most of us, because “life” will always get in the way if we let it. But having our goals written down, routinely reviewing them, and taking even the tiniest of steps forward will keep our momentum moving in the right direction.
For instance, if your health goal is to get the gym four times a week, but you’re struggling to make that happen, you can always modify it to make it more practical and easier to follow. You may revise it for December to flow with your schedule that’s already in place, and park further away from the office to extend your walk, take the stairs, and drink water with every meal. And then, ramp things up at the first of the new year.
The key is to not shame yourself or make it an “all or nothing” situation where you give up all together.
And this is when my client, Ann, reassured the group that just by writing down their goals, they are light years ahead of most people. Ann shared stats she found in an article that said only 3% of Americans have written goals, and less that 1% review and rewrite them daily.
What??? That just seems bananas to me since there is so much research that supports the many benefits of consistent goal setting and review.
I wondered… Are there that many people floundering through life without direction or purpose, just waiting to see what plops into their lives?
Well, not on my watch! I may not be able to reach the entire population today, but I can encourage YOU!
Do you have a goal plan that you’re following, adjusting, and tweaking on a regular basis, or is this just something you do every January and abandon way before spring?
If you’ve been avoiding the idea of goal setting altogether, this might be because you’re afraid of committing and then “failing”, a common reason that people stay stuck.
If this is the case, then please consider the advice I gave to my clients. You are human, and so you aren’t meant to do life “perfectly”. But you are meant to consistently grow, expand, and create. You are supposed to make mistakes, fail sometimes, and get messy.
The only way you can get it wrong is by not doing it at all. Start today, and Future You will thank you!
C’mon, join us, the elite in the one percent!