{"id":5444,"date":"2022-11-25T03:56:42","date_gmt":"2022-11-25T03:56:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/?p=5444"},"modified":"2022-11-25T13:54:07","modified_gmt":"2022-11-25T13:54:07","slug":"boundaries-a-key-ingredient-in-healthy-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/boundaries-a-key-ingredient-in-healthy-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Boundaries: A Key Ingredient in Healthy Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Life Coaching Tip: Although many of us were taught otherwise, clear boundaries are vital in healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries is something you do for yourself AND others to improve your relationships, not punish anyone\u2026 although it may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s a true act of self-love and self-care. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

____________<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019d be proud of me Tracy; I was mean to him like you taught us.\u201d

Hold up, what? I sat in disbelief as I listened to my client, Tina, explain in a group I was facilitating that she did not take medication to her adult son who had the flu.

It was 2012 and I was working in the community mental health field at the time, facilitating support groups for people who have loved ones living with mental illness.

Tina (not her real name), was a kind, compassionate human who had a lot on her plate. She worked two professional jobs, was married, and had three adult children struggling with various mental health symptoms.

When she first contacted me, she was overwhelmed and exhausted, running around taking care of everyone\u2019s needs but her own. She was juggling a range of emotions from feelings of resentment to empathy for her children, and heaps of guilt on the rare occasions she said \u201cno\u201d to one of them.

The concept of setting boundaries was foreign to Tina, who grew up in a family that had few, and so we started with the basics. Clearly, from her comment, we still had lots of work to do!

\u201cOkay Tina, I think I need to clarify a bit more. I am not encouraging you to be mean to anyone, especially not your children,\u201d I told her.

\u201cBoundary setting is something you do for yourself AND your children to improve your relationships, not punish anyone\u2026 although they may not see it that way. Your needs are your primary responsibility, and when you put everyone else ahead of you, it feels draining. And the guilt and resentment you are feeling is causing you to want to avoid your family altogether, right? Setting healthy boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for them and yourself. It\u2019s definitely not mean.\u201d

As a person looking in from the outside, it seems obvious that not only was Tina\u2019s lack of boundaries harmful to her mental and physical health, but it was causing a co-dependency that was preventing her adult children from being\u00a0independent.

And although it seemed obvious from the outside, it\u2019s often not that way when you\u2019re in the thick of it.

I\u2019m sharing this with you today because I don\u2019t think Tina\u2019s situation is unique. Many of us (including me) were taught that it\u2019s impolite to say \u201cno\u201d <\/a>to anyone. From an early age, we learned that it\u2019s selfish to consider our own needs, and it\u2019s our duty to fix other people\u2019s problems, no matter the circumstances.

And so, here\u2019s what I want you to know\u2026

Boundaries are an important ingredient in healthy, balanced relationships. They\u2019re also a vital part of maintaining your mental health, physical well-being, and identity.

So, what exactly is a boundary?

A boundary is an action or thought practiced by people to feel safe, secure, and grow.

The Oxford Learner\u2019s Dictionary defines a boundary as \u201cA real or imagined line that marks the limits or edges of something and separates it from other things or places, a dividing line.\u201d

Just like a fence around your property can protect you from dangers in the environment, boundaries are like an invisible fence that provides a sense of safety and self-protection.

As you set boundaries, you decide your personal physical and emotional limits that align with your values, needs and desires. It’s a genuine act of self-love and self-care.<\/a>

Healthy boundaries\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Clarify expectations and individual responsibilities in your relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Separate your needs, thoughts, emotions, and desires from those of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Reduce codependent habits and emotional enmeshment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Allow you to regulate and meet your own needs and desires, providing a sense of empowerment, independence, and self-respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Safeguard your physical and emotional comfort and protect you from exploitive people or systems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Help you to fully show up as yourself and learn to trust your inner voice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In contrast, relationships without healthy boundaries can be anxiety-provoking and overwhelming. They can be toxic and lead to dysfunction where people\u2019s needs are being trampled upon and safety in the relationship feels compromised.

If you have a tough time communicating your needs and desires, or if you easily compromise your values and opinions to satisfy others, then you may want to work on this as we move into the holiday season. Fortunately\/unfortunately, you\u2019ll likely have lots of opportunities to practice:)

When you set a boundary, you’re teaching other people how to treat you. If you\u2019re not sure where to begin, start small and be direct about what you are wanting or needing.

Feel free to test drive some of these \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*My plate is full right now, and so my answer is no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I\u2019m not able to help with that right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I appreciate the offer, but I\u2019m not interested in participating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I need more time to think about it, but I will get back with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*No, that doesn\u2019t work for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I don\u2019t like the way I\u2019m being spoken to, and I won\u2019t tolerate it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*We can talk about this later, now is not the right time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I am willing to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do you think? Does this give you the heebie-jeebies?

Listen, it\u2019s understandable if it does. It\u2019s going to feel uncomfortable for a while. But don\u2019t give up! You\u2019re going up against a lifetime of old patterns and beliefs! It will take practice, for sure, so be patient with yourself. Eventually it will get easier and will be worth the initial discomfort.

Imagine how it will feel to look forward to the holidays and spending time with your loved ones, without the anxiety producing worries of how you will deal with \u201cthat\u201d relative once again.

While you can\u2019t control other people, you can set boundaries to help you feel safe and secure in their presence. It will be good for your family, and more importantly, good for you. You deserve to enjoy the holiday too!

You\u2019ve got this, my friend!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Life Coaching Tip: Although many of us were taught otherwise, clear boundaries are vital in healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries is something you do for yourself AND others to improve your relationships, not punish anyone\u2026 although it may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s a true act of self-love and self-care. ____________ \u201cYou\u2019d be proud of me …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":5447,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-150x150.png",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-300x200.png",300,200,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-768x511.png",768,511,true],"large":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"banner":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-819x533.png",819,533,true],"section":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"full-width":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"featured":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-800x545.png",800,545,true],"one-half":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-550x413.png",550,413,true],"one-third":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-350x263.png",350,263,true],"one-fourth":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-260x195.png",260,195,true],"tiny":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-80x80.png",80,80,true],"ab-block-post-grid-landscape":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-600x400.png",600,400,true],"ab-block-post-grid-square":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-600x545.png",600,545,true]},"post_excerpt_stackable":"

Life Coaching Tip: Although many of us were taught otherwise, clear boundaries are vital in healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries is something you do for yourself AND others to improve your relationships, not punish anyone\u2026 although it may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s a true act of self-love and self-care. ____________ \u201cYou\u2019d be proud of me Tracy; I was mean to him like you taught us.\u201dHold up, what? I sat in disbelief as I listened to my client, Tina, explain in a group I was facilitating that she did not take medication to her adult son who had the flu.It was…<\/p>\n","category_list":"Uncategorized<\/a>","author_info":{"display_name":"Tracy Baranauskas","author_link":"https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/author\/tracy\/"},"comments_num":"0 comments","featured_image_urls_v2":{"full":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-150x150.png",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-300x200.png",300,200,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-768x511.png",768,511,true],"large":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"banner":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-819x533.png",819,533,true],"section":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"full-width":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8.png",819,545,false],"featured":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-800x545.png",800,545,true],"one-half":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-550x413.png",550,413,true],"one-third":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-350x263.png",350,263,true],"one-fourth":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-260x195.png",260,195,true],"tiny":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-80x80.png",80,80,true],"ab-block-post-grid-landscape":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-600x400.png",600,400,true],"ab-block-post-grid-square":["https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-8-600x545.png",600,545,true]},"post_excerpt_stackable_v2":"

Life Coaching Tip: Although many of us were taught otherwise, clear boundaries are vital in healthy relationships. Establishing boundaries is something you do for yourself AND others to improve your relationships, not punish anyone\u2026 although it may feel uncomfortable at first. It’s a true act of self-love and self-care. ____________ \u201cYou\u2019d be proud of me Tracy; I was mean to him like you taught us.\u201dHold up, what? I sat in disbelief as I listened to my client, Tina, explain in a group I was facilitating that she did not take medication to her adult son who had the flu.It was…<\/p>\n","category_list_v2":"Uncategorized<\/a>","author_info_v2":{"name":"Tracy Baranauskas","url":"https:\/\/movingforwardcoaching.com\/author\/tracy\/"},"comments_num_v2":"0 comments","yoast_head":"\nBoundaries: A Key Ingredient in Healthy Relationships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Boundaries are a key ingredient in healthy, balanced relationships. 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