Life Coaching Tip: One of the most common ways we sabotage our own success is by worrying. And as I pointed out in my last post, shining a light of awareness on the sneaky tricks your primal brain likes to play is the best way to help yourself move forward. Put your subconscious mind on notice because we are going to be exposing its mischief and setting you free from its tyranny!
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Earlier in my career, I worked in the mental health field, facilitating support groups for people living with mental illness and their family members.
My clients taught me so much in those group meetings—as their wisdom came to them honestly—originating from their resilient determination to live a joyful life, despite the challenging and often heartbreaking hand they had been dealt.
Something an insightful woman, Kate, shared one day in the “Senior Women’s Group” stopped me in my tracks. It was a true epiphany for me at the time . . . .
“Worrying is like a rocking chair. it will give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere.” —proverb
Kate told the us that she read this adage as a young woman, and it stuck with her ever since.
Kate was a gifted artist and sculptor, who was compassionate, wise, and kind. She had lived a hard life. As a divorced, single mother who struggled with the serious symptoms of mental illness—poverty made her life even more difficult. This was true for most of the other women in the group, too, and Kate was offering words of encouragement to her soul sisters that day.
“I used to think that if I was worrying, I was being productive,” she said. “But once I thought about the rocking chair analogy, I realized that worrying was the thing that was actually getting in my way!”
Brilliant, right?
I mean, of course, it makes sense—but how many of us were brought up to believe that worrying is something we’re supposed to do?
I know, I was.
Not only did I believe that worrying was productive, but I also thought it was synonymous with being intelligent and proactive.
I believed that successful people were informed people, and they stayed ahead of problems by worrying. It seemed like a sensible thing to do.
And sister, I was good at it!
Not only did I worry all damn day long, but I was an especially proficient worrier at about 3 a.m.
I concocted and solved scenario-after-scenario until the point of exhaustion.
And ironically, my worried thoughts rarely had anything to do with my actual reality!
My favorite coach and author, Jen Sincero, writes:
“Worrying is praying for stuff you don’t want.”
And it’s true!
Not only does worrying take you away from the peace and sufficiency of today, but it often causes unnecessary angst—as your brain can’t tell the difference between something that’s actually happening and something that you’re imagining.
You feel it in your body either way.
You feel stressed, exhausted, and drained from solving problems that don’t even currently exist—Bananas!
And when I was spending all my energy worrying, do you know what I wasn’t doing?
I wasn’t spending any time creating and executing an action plan to create solutions or manifest my dreams! My subconscious mind did a fantastic job keeping me “busy” in a disastrous world of pretend—fretting and solving imaginary problems!
My primal brain made sure I wasn’t utilizing my superpowers—my unique gifts and talents—Instead, it held me back, living the narrative of my limiting beliefs.
But once I developed awareness, I was finally able to free myself from the “Worry Trap.”
And you can too!
If you’re finding your subconscious mind working overtime—creating stories of worry and fear—then the following exercise can help you clean up your thoughts and finally set youself free:
- When you notice yourself worrying, take the time to write your thoughts down—all of them.
- Next, write a “statement of self-compassion”: Comfort and give yourself permission to release the thoughts that have been haunting you.
It might sound something like this. . .
My friend, these thoughts feel heavy. They’ve really been weighing you down, haven’t they? What if you let them go, for now? You deserve to live in the present—and not to miss out on the beauty of today. You don’t have to take on the future all at once, there are so many unknown variables that you can’t control anyway. But you do know the next step you can take towards your goals. What if you only focused on that next step today?
- Then, offer your brain some new thoughts: Remind yourself that you have a choice—and there are plenty of other ways to talk to yourself. Take your brain off negative autopilot!
Here are a few examples:
- I am brave, strong, and tenacious.
- Whatever happens, I will handle it.
- I trust myself to make good decisions.
- I am enough.
- I have the power to accomplish incredible things, but one step at a time!
- As you let go of your worried thoughts, notice what that freedom feels like in your body and hold space for it as long as possible.
- From that place, ask yourself: What positive new thoughts and ideas are trying to come to me? Allow them in.
- Once you gain some insight, follow your intuition and take one step forward in that direction. NOTE: Just take one step — you are unauthorized to think any further ahead than that!
If you make this exercise a daily practice, your worry habits will gradually subside—leaving more room for your mind to strategize, act on solutions, and delve into your dreams.
Please give it a try and stick with it.
You deserve to breathe easy, my friend. You deserve the calm serenity and space that a worry-free brain provides.
No matter what your primal brain is telling you—you ALWAYS have a choice about what you focus on.
Take your attention off your worries and direct it towards what sets your heart on fire!
Shining the Light of Awareness