Life Coaching Tip: Have you ever achieved something big, yet still struggled to believe it was real? That’s the “Identity Lag,” and it happens to all of us. In this post, you’ll discover why your brain is often the last to recognize your growth — and how to gently guide it forward. It’s time to start thinking like the person you’ve already become.
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My client, Devon, is such a badass. Not only is she a gifted artist and brave entrepreneur, but she’s also training for a half marathon—and just hit 12 miles.
Devon told me that after she finished that long run, she looked at her fitness app in disbelief.
Her brain just wouldn’t accept it.
She said, “I kept thinking, that can’t be right. I didn’t run that far.” She even went back to check the map, just to prove to herself that she’d really done it. And even then, it still felt unreal.
That story struck me because I’ve been there, too, but in a slightly different way.
When I lost 34 pounds a few years back, I didn’t buy new clothes for the longest time. My old pants were literally falling off, and when I finally went shopping, I still grabbed my old size. I tried on those pants, and then realized what I’d done.
So, I went back out and grabbed a few more pairs. But weirdly, I did it again!
Bananas, right? I did this three times before realizing my brain just hadn’t caught up to my reality.
My body had changed. But my brain was still living in the past.
This is something I see all the time in my clients, and I’ve experienced it myself.
I call it the Identity Lag: the time it takes for your mind to update its picture of who you are.
We’re wired to hold onto familiar identities because they feel safe. Your brain loves to keep you in the familiar, even when that “familiar” is outdated.
So, when you do something new, brave, or extraordinary — when you run 12 miles, lose 34 pounds, or leave a steady job to start your dream business — your brain doesn’t immediately recognize the new version of you.
It’s still buffering.
Your primal brain is always the last to accept that you’ve changed. It sees change as dangerous and wants to keep you stuck in that old, familiar comfortable version of yourself.
It will tell you: “You’re not the kind of person who does that.”
Meanwhile, your actions are already proving otherwise.
Growth happens in real life first. Your brain takes a little while to catch up.
It might look like this:
- You’ve left your corporate job, but still wake up with that “employee mindset,” waiting for permission or someone to validate your ideas.
- You’re writing your first book, but you hesitate to call yourself an “author.”
- You’ve been consistent with your new wellness habits, but your mind keeps labeling you as “someone trying to get healthy,” instead of “a healthy person.”
So, what do we do in that in-between space?
We must act from the identity we’re stepping into before it fully feels like ours.
Because here’s the magic: your brain will eventually follow your lead.
You start making decisions like the CEO you’re becoming, not the employee you used to be.
You start introducing yourself as an author before your first book is even finished.
The shift happens when you start thinking as the person you’ve already become.
If you’re standing in that space right now — the space where your outer world has changed but your inner world hasn’t caught up — rest assure, all is well.
You’re not behind. You’re just in the catch-up phase.
Keep showing up as your future self.
Keep boldly acting like the baddie you’re becoming.
Your mind will get there, but you must take the lead.
You are the boss of your brain.
So go ahead: keep writing your novel, run the extra mile, file the LLC papers.
Your brain will catch up soon enough.
You’ve got this, my friend!
xo Tracy
PS: Take a moment today to notice where your life has outgrown your old identity. Make a commitment to start upgrading how you think and talk about yourself in this area. And when your brain tries to tell you, “that’s not who you are,” smile and say, “Oh, but it is now!”
Creating Your Own Courage