Life Coaching Tip: Perfectionism comes from a place of trying to prove enoughness — and it results in a relentless self-destructive pattern of defeat because the goal of perfection is not possible. The productivity, hustling, and grinding just gets more intense and the “not enough” story or belief gets stronger the more it’s reinforced. This article provides some tried and true ways to help you break this cycle.
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After writing in my last post about the common struggle many women face of chronically feeling not enough, I am following up now with a message about another common struggle many women encounter, perfectionism.
In fact, perfectionism stems from thoughts and feelings of not enoughness.
If you were able to relate to my last article, then this message will likely resonate with you, too.
In her book, “Gifts of Imperfection,” author Brene Brown describes perfectionism brilliantly:
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of blame, judgement, and shame.”
The ever-so-insightful Brown goes on to explain the difference between a healthy striving to do better and perfectionism. She says that the former comes from a place of, “How can I improve?” while the latter is focused on the opinion of others, “What will they think?”
Perfectionism comes from a place of trying to prove enoughness—and it results in a relentless self-destructive pattern of defeat because the goal is unobtainable. Perfection is not possible. The productivity, hustling, and grinding just gets more intense and the not enough story or belief gets stronger the more it’s reinforced.
This is no way to live.
And procrastination can happen, too, when you’re afraid of not doing something perfectly—especially the things that are most important to you.
But, sister, you’re not here to keep an exhausting pace of doing and proving and pleasing everyone but yourself.
You deserve a life of inspiration, not obligation.
You are here for creation and expansion that stretches you outside of your comfort zone.
But for you to feel free enough to do that, you must be willing to kick perfectionism to the curb.
Here are some tried and true tips that can help:
* CHUNK DOWN YOUR GOALS INTO SMALLER, MORE MANAGEABLE STEPS:
To prevent procrastination, break down projects into simple, manageable steps and begin with the easiest ones. Starting small can make the project feel less overwhelming and help ignite your momentum.
When you set manageable goals, you’ll feel successful more often and less stressed about trying to reach an impossible standard.
*CELEBRATE YOUR WINS!
As I suggested last week. celebrate your successes—all of them! Chunking down your goals into smaller steps will give you more opportunity to do just that, shifting your focus away from your fear of incompetency and onto your badassery!
And please be sure to give yourself credit for your efforts, too, not just the final result. It takes courage to step into a new version of yourself, and you deserve a massive, celebratory high-five for your mightiness—no matter the outcome!
This is how self-confidence is cultivated.
*LOOK AT MISTAKES AND FAILURES AS LEARING OPPORTUNITIES:
Mistakes and failures are a part of doing something new. If you want to be a person who stretches herself and grows, then you must accept that mistakes and failures are going to be part of the process.
But, what’s the alternative? Stagnation? That’s no way to spend your one-and-only life, and it’s certainly not who YOU are, right?
Allow yourself to see mistakes and failures as learning opportunities. Upgrading your mindset to accept this belief will help you release shame and be more forgiving and understanding of yourself. Lowering the pressure can make your adventures a heck of a lot lighter, more relaxed, playful, and fun!
And who doesn’t want more fun in their life?
*LIMIT YOUR TIME ON TASKS!
If you give yourself all the time in the world, you will take all the time in the world and drive yourself bananas! Limiting yourself to a set amount of time to complete a task can help prevent you from overstressing, overworking, overediting, overdoing (and doing and doing!)
I understand this might sound terrifying to you, but giving yourself a hard stop and sticking to it can be ever-so-freeing! The goal is “good enough.” Settling into sufficiency will take practice, but you will get there!
If you’ve been stuck in a mindset of perfectionism, I encourage you to give these practices a try.
You can’t really get it wrong.
You are here for expansion.
Freedom is on the other side!
PS – Ready to let go of perfectionism, procrastination, and people pleasing and create space for more of what lights you up? As a seasoned life coach, I can make the process of shifting easier and faster, allowing for a more powerful impact and result.
If you’ve been thinking about working with a life coach, isn’t it time we connected? The consultation is complimentary and there’s no obligation. Simply schedule at the link at the top of the page.
Creating Sufficiency