Life Coaching Tip: In this post, I introduce “mirror work,” a practice that can profoundly impact your sense of self-worth. Although it may feel very uncomfortable for you at first, you can gently ease your way into it by being light and playful. If this still feels icky for you, it’s even more of a reason to give it a go! It will be worth it. Increased self-love and compassion will be your reward!
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In my last post, I shared an exercise with you about intentionally looking for the beauty around you. Because the more you recognize and appreciate the beauty around you, the more you’ll recognize and appreciate the beauty within you and begin to create a stronger sense of self-worth.
Today, I’d like to continue the conversation by introducing another practice, called “mirror work,” which might seem oh, so simple—yet can profoundly impact your sense of self-worth.
I first read about mirror work many years ago in the book, “You Can Heal Your Life,” by Louise Hay, who is the OG of all things affirmations and self-love.
In it, Hay recommends saying affirmations while looking at yourself in the mirror as a means to quiet your inner critic and strengthen your love and connection within yourself.
As a start, she suggests looking deep into your own eyes in the mirror and saying: “I love and accept you exactly as you are.”
However, Hay acknowledges that this can be way too much for some, who might feel angry, resistant, or tearful as a result.
In this case, Hays recommends beginning with: “I am willing to change,” and then journaling about any hesitance or resistance that comes up for you. Ask yourself this gold nugget of a question: “Why don’t I want to change?” and then honestly write out any feelings and insights that come up for you.
Hay says this is one of the most effective ways to move through any resistance that might be blocking you.
I have personally found this to be a powerful exercise for myself, as well as for my clients—but as you might imagine, not everyone is a fan.
I’ve worked with clients over the years who were horrified at the thought of such nonsensery!
From outright refusal to genuine sadness, the struggle is real. But it’s important to note that the harder the resistance, the more likely this work is needed to flush out what might be getting in the way of progress, joy, and fulfillment.
If this is you, I encourage you to stick with it, but feel free to move at a slower, gentler pace.
Early on in my coaching practice, I worked with a client who simply could not look at herself in the mirror and say anything nice without sobbing. Of course, this brought up all kinds of resistance for her. I mean, who would want to do an exercise that feels painful and hard?
So, I encouraged her to make it easier and more comfortable for herself by stopping the affirmations and instead praising herself for any meaningful effort she put forth during her day. This worked like a charm.
It sounded something like this:
“Great job on pushing your run an extra half mile this morning!”
“So cool that you patiently took the time to mentor that younger colleague at work. I’m sure it meant a lot to her!”
“It was incredible how you spoke up in that meeting today, even though you were freaking out inside!”
Then, after a while, she was able to gradually get to: “(Her name), I am open to seeing the good in you.”
To, eventually: “(Her name), I see you. I believe in you. I love you.”
If you’re not there yet, I encourage you to take the path that she did, beginning with praising yourself for your efforts and then seeing where this takes you.
I also love the approach my friend and former client, Tam, took with this exercise. I can still see her adorable smile as she explained it to me. She said she started with a quick peek in the mirror, and a “hi” as she walked by, and then added a “you’re cool!” or “you’re cute!” with time.
Tam made it light and playful, and this eventually led to, “I love you!” –quickly in and out, allowing no time for her primal brain and inner critic to chime in and ruin the moment.
If Louise Hay’s practice sounds too icky, hard, or weird to you, then I encourage you to go lighter and try Tam’s approach for now. In and out fast . . . too fast for your inner critic to join the party!
If you’re open to sharing, please send me an email message and let me know how it goes.
Sister, you deserve the peace, love, and fulfillment on the other side!
xo Tracy
PS – Ready to go deeper and take your life to the next level and beyond? Private Coaching will get you there. Learn how to join here: https://movingforwardcoaching.com/moving-forward-life-coaching-private-coaching/
PPS – The next Shine On Group + Coaching Program begins November 6/7, and you belong in the room! Learn how to join the waiting list here: https://movingforwardcoaching.com/moving-forward-shine-on-group-coaching-program/
Cultivating Worthiness