Life Coaching Tip: If you’re feeling discontent and restless, but don’t know what you truly want for your life or what will make you happy, you’re not alone. Many women struggle with this because as women, we’ve been conditioned to keep quiet about our wants, desires, and dreams.. Give yourself the gift of inner stillness and begin to listen and trust yourself. It’s time to own your dream!
“Think about when you were a small child, and it was your birthday. As you were getting ready to blow your candles out, first you made a wish. What did the adults in the room warn you not to do about that wish?”
This was a question I asked the women in my Shine On group last week, and their answers were virtually unanimous…
They said they were told not to say their wish out loud, or it wouldn’t come true!
Is this what you were told when you were a little girl on your birthday?
It was for me, and it’s also what I said to my daughters on their birthdays.
It’s bananas because it’s exactly the opposite of what needs to happen to manifest our dreams and wishes. We should boldly declare them, focus on them, write about them… own them!
But instead, we were taught to keep it on the down low.
And that’s not all we were taught to keep on the DL.
In Shine On, we discussed other direct and indirect messages we received as children to not talk about what we wanted, preferred, or felt.
Many women said they were not encouraged to “wish” or want or dream. Some said they were shamed by parents or religious teachers for wanting more than they needed, and others remembered being told not to talk at all.
These messages included:
- Stop being so selfish and just be grateful for what you have.
- You can’t always get what you want.
- You don’t really feel that way.
- Eat everything on your plate, whether you like it or not.
- Stop doing what you’re doing and come over here and do what I want you to do.
- Shame on you! Can’t you think of anybody but yourself?
- You don’t really want that.
- Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.
- Children should be seen and not heard.
Well, it’s no wonder that so many accomplished women come to life coaching not knowing in the least what they truly want for their lives or what will make them happy.
They tell me that they’ve done all the things they were told to do, all the things they thought they were supposed to do to be successful. They set big goals and achieved them, yet still, they feel discontent, restless, and long for more.
It’s also no mystery, given the messages most of us received as children, that it’s difficult for many women to even talk about the dream that’s buried deep down inside of them.
We women often fear that by taking steps towards our dreams, we’ll be letting the people we love down. We sometimes worry that no one will support us, or they will think we’re being unrealistic, selfish, or irresponsible.
And of course, it makes sense why we would feel this way.
We’ve been conditioned since early childhood to ignore the whisperings of our soul.
We’ve been taught to stay quiet and small. We’ve been trained to ignore our wants, desires, and dreams. We’ve been conditioned to keep our wishes to ourselves, not to take more than the minimum, and to put other’s needs in front of our own.
We’ve been shamed for wanting more, told what we should aspire to do, and even who we should aspire to be.
And over time, we’ve believed it. We stopped looking inside ourselves for the answers. We lost trust in ourselves and our ability to discern what brings us joy.
We bought the story that if we did all the things we were supposed to do, checked all the boxes, hustled, and achieved, then we would feel worthy, complete, and happy.
Yet instead, we’re often exhausted, disillusioned, and underwhelmed.
Does this resonate with you?
Not sure what you really want for your life, but know in your heart of hearts that you were meant for more?
If this is you, I encourage you to spend time each day in stillness, quieting your mind. Stop all the busyness and really listen to your thoughts and feelings.
You don’t have to take a nature walk like I do, but of course, you can. You can also meditate, sit in the shower, lay on your bed, whatever – just spend some time with yourself and tap into your intuition.
And then take note of what comes up for you.
Write it in your journal, doodle it on a notepad, again, it doesn’t matter. Just be sure to jot it down.
Then, as you gather more messages from yourself, take one step forward. Don’t talk yourself out of it or over-think it. Just take inspired action once, and then again, and again, and again.
It sounds simple, I know, but it works. After spending a lifetime ignoring your inner voice, it’s going to take some practice to hear and trust yourself.
Give yourself the gift of quiet stillness and begin to trust yourself.
Your dreams are important.
They are meant for you to fully activate.
And don’t keep them a secret.
You deserve to have what you want.
It’s time to boldly wish out loud!
PS – If this message hits home with you, we should talk. I’ve made it my passion to help women share their light with the world. I can help you too. Schedule your free consultation now and let’s talk about it.